I was told that I was a cry baby when I was young… Cried at the slightest matter… Seems like I’m not a very likeable baby then…
However, as I grow older I realized something… I could no longer cry easily as I used to be… It seems to me that the only time I see my tears nowadays is when my brain is suffering from oxygen deficiency – yawning…
I’ve lost my ability to cry!
I like crying…
I mean the process of it… I see it as a form of relief… Just like sighing… It lets out all the negative feelings that are held within…
And there are times I wish I could just cry it out…
But it seems like my tear duct has died on me…
Is it that I’ve really lost my ability to cry?
Or is it that the matter is not worth crying?
I don’t know…
To me, crying is not a sign of weakness…
Instead, I actually see it as an act of bravery and I’m envy those who are able to cry easily… These are the people who are brave enough to show their emotions openly…
Something I truly lack of…
Especially when it comes to negative emotions…
There seemed to be a glass wall between the real me and the one I present… Maybe subconsciously I believe that by opening up these emotions I’m actually opening up myself to more danger…
To what danger?
I don’t know…
It’s like a natural instinct to protect myself… Maybe too much at times I think…
Sometimes, by opening up is also a way of protection…
Something I should Really learn about...
Friday, November 26, 2004
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Procrastinate...
I'm the Queen of Procrastination... I leave EVERYTHING to the VERY last minute...
And when I say Everything... I really meant EVERYTHING... Every aspects in life... Be it small or big...
One common example would be my studies, of course... Here I am suppose to study for my bloody exams but what am I doing now... Huh? Huh? Huh? Blogging...
I can't make up my mind till the very very last minute... Even when it comes to ordering food... There are times where I couldn't make up my mind of what I want to eat even when the poor waiter is standing next to me... Waiting to take my orders... Someone is getting agitated here... And I can tell you it's not me...
Now we know why Singapore has such poor service...
"Don't blame us lah! Blame the lousy 'can't make up their god-damn minds' customers"... Ha!
Anyway, let's not side-track and go into the service quality of Singapore (That's one whole big chunk of discussions)... Coming back to Procrastination... Yup, I've admitted I'm one of its devotee... A big one somemore...
But... Who isn't?
Be it a small or big fan... No matter how one is disciplined, there're just times where you tend to postpone something which you know you're suppose to do for something else...
Temptations... The root of all evil... Bad! Bad! Bad!...
Ah... I've said the unspeakable...
We all know the existence of temptations... And when we procrastinate something for temptations... This is the last thing we want to hear... That what we're doing is bad...
So here I am... Happily typing away... There's this tiny little voice at the end of my head telling me what I'm doing now is bad... I know! But I'm still typing away...
Reason? Because...
I'M THE QUEEN OF PROCRASTINATION!!
p.s.: Hey! I've got to live up to that name you know...
And when I say Everything... I really meant EVERYTHING... Every aspects in life... Be it small or big...
One common example would be my studies, of course... Here I am suppose to study for my bloody exams but what am I doing now... Huh? Huh? Huh? Blogging...
I can't make up my mind till the very very last minute... Even when it comes to ordering food... There are times where I couldn't make up my mind of what I want to eat even when the poor waiter is standing next to me... Waiting to take my orders... Someone is getting agitated here... And I can tell you it's not me...
Now we know why Singapore has such poor service...
"Don't blame us lah! Blame the lousy 'can't make up their god-damn minds' customers"... Ha!
Anyway, let's not side-track and go into the service quality of Singapore (That's one whole big chunk of discussions)... Coming back to Procrastination... Yup, I've admitted I'm one of its devotee... A big one somemore...
But... Who isn't?
Be it a small or big fan... No matter how one is disciplined, there're just times where you tend to postpone something which you know you're suppose to do for something else...
Temptations... The root of all evil... Bad! Bad! Bad!...
Ah... I've said the unspeakable...
We all know the existence of temptations... And when we procrastinate something for temptations... This is the last thing we want to hear... That what we're doing is bad...
So here I am... Happily typing away... There's this tiny little voice at the end of my head telling me what I'm doing now is bad... I know! But I'm still typing away...
Reason? Because...
I'M THE QUEEN OF PROCRASTINATION!!
p.s.: Hey! I've got to live up to that name you know...
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Rain...
I like it when it's raining...
It seems like the whole world was being washed up... Everything becomes fresh and clean after a downpour...
If only life works that way...
If only there's such a thing like rain in our life that washes us up after a mess... Wash away our dirt and leave everything as if it's untouched before...
If only...
"Rain Rain, Go away, Come again another day"
Why do we want it to go away?
So that we can rebuild everything all over again... Have a second chance to start from the beginning...
If only life works that way...
Rain... It's such a small thing in life yet it brings out the simplest fact of life...
It seems like the whole world was being washed up... Everything becomes fresh and clean after a downpour...
If only life works that way...
If only there's such a thing like rain in our life that washes us up after a mess... Wash away our dirt and leave everything as if it's untouched before...
If only...
"Rain Rain, Go away, Come again another day"
Why do we want it to go away?
So that we can rebuild everything all over again... Have a second chance to start from the beginning...
If only life works that way...
Rain... It's such a small thing in life yet it brings out the simplest fact of life...
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Wants in Life...
Everyone wants to be well-liked... No matter how much one can say he/she doesn't care what the world view of him/her... At the end, we'll still try to do things that somehow more or less trying to please someone...
This is why praises work so well!
Anyone who receives a praise will definitely have the feel-good feeling no matter it's true or false... As long as it is soothing to the ear, we'll be beaming away!
And we'll always try our best to earn these praises, thus we strive to gain popularity from everyone... For mild cases, we don't mind some small sacrifices here and there to gain for such acceptance.
However, for some seriously praise-starved people, they could go to the extent of pleasing others till they lost themselves along the way... They no longer know what they want or what they should do for themselves anymore... Their lives are revolved around the people they tried so hard to gain recognition from... Trying so hard to be accepted... In other words, lose themselves along the way...
What made up of us then?
It's...
Our opinions;
Our own way of doing things;
Our own set of moral values;
Our principles;
Our past and present;
Our ambitions;
And etc...
Although I agree that the people around us DO play a part of influencing us... It should of a small degree only... We shouldn't be made up of the expectations that others had on us... It should be made up of what WE want for ourselves...
However, coming to know what we want for ourselves is not an easy process... We need alot of trips and falls along the way to make up what we are today...
Therefore, all I can say is that, for my case, I haven't had enough of these lessons in life to be sure of what I want at the end of the road...
This is why praises work so well!
Anyone who receives a praise will definitely have the feel-good feeling no matter it's true or false... As long as it is soothing to the ear, we'll be beaming away!
And we'll always try our best to earn these praises, thus we strive to gain popularity from everyone... For mild cases, we don't mind some small sacrifices here and there to gain for such acceptance.
However, for some seriously praise-starved people, they could go to the extent of pleasing others till they lost themselves along the way... They no longer know what they want or what they should do for themselves anymore... Their lives are revolved around the people they tried so hard to gain recognition from... Trying so hard to be accepted... In other words, lose themselves along the way...
What made up of us then?
It's...
Our opinions;
Our own way of doing things;
Our own set of moral values;
Our principles;
Our past and present;
Our ambitions;
And etc...
Although I agree that the people around us DO play a part of influencing us... It should of a small degree only... We shouldn't be made up of the expectations that others had on us... It should be made up of what WE want for ourselves...
However, coming to know what we want for ourselves is not an easy process... We need alot of trips and falls along the way to make up what we are today...
Therefore, all I can say is that, for my case, I haven't had enough of these lessons in life to be sure of what I want at the end of the road...
Friday, November 12, 2004
Karma...
Do you know that there's really such things as karma? It's not a myth that was created by our parents to stop innocent kids like us to do something naughty...
It REALLY does exist!! Trust me...
Recently, I had my karma... sigh... Did something naughty and next thing I know...
"Pham"
My past had came back to haunt me... Haunt? Too strong of a word... It's like a nice dream BUT a Very long one... It just don't seem to end... It's nice, but somehow or another won't it be better if things end at its greatest? Let the memory be beautiful than prolonging it till it turns ugly... That's what I think... However, it seems like I'm the only one who sees it...
My past... A very short one... But also a very memorable one... However, it didn't last... Not because of any cliche reasons, it's just that I don't even want it to start in the beginning... Why? Maybe because I'm not ready for it? And also I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel... Why waste time and effort on stuffs that is not going to work out?
Anyway, to all those who has naughty thoughts out there... Don't even think about it! Karma REALLY do exist!
It REALLY does exist!! Trust me...
Recently, I had my karma... sigh... Did something naughty and next thing I know...
"Pham"
My past had came back to haunt me... Haunt? Too strong of a word... It's like a nice dream BUT a Very long one... It just don't seem to end... It's nice, but somehow or another won't it be better if things end at its greatest? Let the memory be beautiful than prolonging it till it turns ugly... That's what I think... However, it seems like I'm the only one who sees it...
My past... A very short one... But also a very memorable one... However, it didn't last... Not because of any cliche reasons, it's just that I don't even want it to start in the beginning... Why? Maybe because I'm not ready for it? And also I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel... Why waste time and effort on stuffs that is not going to work out?
Anyway, to all those who has naughty thoughts out there... Don't even think about it! Karma REALLY do exist!
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
Patience...
How do you calculate patience? How much is patient and how much is impatient?
Anyone who is able to come up with numerical equation for this should receive a Nobel Prize…
And not some guy who comes up with the equation for economic growth for poor economic student to mug on… At least the patient quotient is of good use to ALL mankind…
Anyway, come back to patience… I don’t think I’m known for my patience… Everything to me has to be done in a jiffy… *snap snap fingers*…
I can’t wait for things to happen… Nor can I stand wasting of time… If things are not progressing, for better or for worst, I moved on… With or without the other party… My life is too short to be wasted like that! Or should I say Everybody’s lives are too short to be wasted on dwelling on the past or settling for a decision…
There’re some circumstances where one has to be enduring to another… However, this should only be done under special situation and of a limited time period… When you get too patient with one, they tend to take you for granted…
So to the one out there…
Conclusion: My patience has run out for your case…
Anyone who is able to come up with numerical equation for this should receive a Nobel Prize…
And not some guy who comes up with the equation for economic growth for poor economic student to mug on… At least the patient quotient is of good use to ALL mankind…
Anyway, come back to patience… I don’t think I’m known for my patience… Everything to me has to be done in a jiffy… *snap snap fingers*…
I can’t wait for things to happen… Nor can I stand wasting of time… If things are not progressing, for better or for worst, I moved on… With or without the other party… My life is too short to be wasted like that! Or should I say Everybody’s lives are too short to be wasted on dwelling on the past or settling for a decision…
There’re some circumstances where one has to be enduring to another… However, this should only be done under special situation and of a limited time period… When you get too patient with one, they tend to take you for granted…
So to the one out there…
Conclusion: My patience has run out for your case…
Monday, November 08, 2004
Decadence...
Immorality: A state of uninhibited self-indulgence; a process of civilization’s decline…
It seems like this word is anything but good…
I was taught recently that our society needs a kind of system to function on… That is why there’s the existence of social norms… Social norms... The underlying pillar for our beloved society… These are the reasons why we’re civilized… Made us different from the other beasts in this animal kingdom…
Huh... So we come to the word decadence…
Being guided by these unsaid rules and regulations, we’re not supposed to immerse ourselves in self-indulgence…
Anything which is in excess is bad…
Anything which is too extreme is terrible…
Anything which is against the norm is detrimental…
When can one really submerge himself into his own indulgences without worrying about what this society view of him?
When am I able to do this? Or is it that there’s a reason why decadence is being portrayed in such a negative view… Maybe those who had been there and done that had truly hurt themselves along the way… Thus, the reason for such negativity?
I truly don’t know… I had always been one who lives on the safe side… Always guided by these regulations… To the extent that people seems to have forgotten about my existence… Do I have to cross over the line to make my existence known? Am I ready for decadence? Is decadence, in the first place, good?
It seems like this word is anything but good…
I was taught recently that our society needs a kind of system to function on… That is why there’s the existence of social norms… Social norms... The underlying pillar for our beloved society… These are the reasons why we’re civilized… Made us different from the other beasts in this animal kingdom…
Huh... So we come to the word decadence…
Being guided by these unsaid rules and regulations, we’re not supposed to immerse ourselves in self-indulgence…
Anything which is in excess is bad…
Anything which is too extreme is terrible…
Anything which is against the norm is detrimental…
When can one really submerge himself into his own indulgences without worrying about what this society view of him?
When am I able to do this? Or is it that there’s a reason why decadence is being portrayed in such a negative view… Maybe those who had been there and done that had truly hurt themselves along the way… Thus, the reason for such negativity?
I truly don’t know… I had always been one who lives on the safe side… Always guided by these regulations… To the extent that people seems to have forgotten about my existence… Do I have to cross over the line to make my existence known? Am I ready for decadence? Is decadence, in the first place, good?
Monday, November 01, 2004
Stop and Smell the Flowers...
A brand new week, a brand new start... I live each week by week, each day by day... I know what I want in the long run, but in the short run I live each moment by itself...
Stop and smell the flowers...
In this hectic world of ours, how many of us can afford such luxury of spare time and energy to do it? We always try to get what we thought we wanted in our younger days... Then when we achieved what we set out for or worst still didn't get what we wanted.... At the stage where we've reached our middle-age, we would realised that we had missed all the flowers along the way... And to make matter worst, we're so disillusioned with what we want that we've lost our sense of smell...
Such talk will make one lose his drive...
Stop and smell the flowers...
In this hectic world of ours, how many of us can afford such luxury of spare time and energy to do it? We always try to get what we thought we wanted in our younger days... Then when we achieved what we set out for or worst still didn't get what we wanted.... At the stage where we've reached our middle-age, we would realised that we had missed all the flowers along the way... And to make matter worst, we're so disillusioned with what we want that we've lost our sense of smell...
Such talk will make one lose his drive...
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