To the one I disappoint the most...

Sorry...

Sorry for being such an inattentive bitch when you are back...

Sorry for not being able be there as much as I should...

Sorry for disappointing you... Something I swear I would NEVER do it on purpose...

Sorry for being too caught up with my life over here that I forgot the days we had... The love and support you have given me during those turbulent years... I'll never forget... This is why you meant so much to me even when others don't see the point...

I felt angry for you when they talked about you...

Most importantly, I felt angry about myself for not being able to do anything for you, to defend you to protect you...

I want to be there for you as much as you had for me...
I want you to be proud of me...
I want to be like you...
I want to be the person you want me to be...

Because I know you meant the best for me...

Many never understands why do I hold such esteem for you...
Reason is simple...

You were there for me at my darkest hours...
You made me who I am today...
You were the reason for me to wake up each morning to this cock-up world...
You kept me sane...
You were the mother I wished I had...

That's the you I see... That's why I put you in such high position in my heart... I love you more than anyone else in my life... This is why I am SO ashamed of myself when I had disappoint you now... I know that no amounts of Sorrys and explanations are going to undo whatever I've done...

But...
That's the least I could do...

Sorry...