Worried...

I'm worried...

Worried about my brother's newfound faith... Worried about how is he coping with adolescence... Worried about the company he mixes with... Worried about what they do...

I kind of have a mix feelings when my brother started embracing his new faith...

Happy : 'Cause finally he has something for him to put his faith in...

Worried : 'Cause I don't really know what's going on in his life anymore... His life revolves around his church... And I have no idea what they are keeping him busy with...

He stays in his room, reading up his bible studies... And recently, I realise he's fasting... Skipping his lunch... For... His prayer... And according to him, by fasting, his prayer will be more sincere... And his prayer turns out to be him praying for his youth growth...

I don't know... But doesn't it seem worrying to u guys?... I'm worried... Very... Don't know if that's what the rest of the Christians do... But we are talking about my brother here!! The very big-sized brother who never say no to food... Fasting!! Sigh... I don't even know how to react to this whole thing! To be glad that he is so serious about something? Or to be worried as what I'm doing now?

Maybe it's just a growing phrase... Maybe he is really serious about this whole thing... But whichever case, I kind of feel like losing my brother along the way... I still love him... Definitely... But... I no longer know what's going through in his mind anymore... And for that, I blame myself... For not being able to be there for him...

Sometimes, I feel more like a mother to him than a sister... I treat him more like a son than a brother... Maybe that's because I was the mother all the while... So, I'm actually experiencing what all adolescents' mothers experience..

Worrying...

Drained...

What is bloody wrong with my mom?!?!

Sorry, it's another post dedicated to the craziness of my mom's doing...

Sigh... Have been working at my mom's eatery at JB... Worked as a waitress there... My boy used to worked as a waiter and after that short period of hard work, he came to a conclusion... The day you become a waiter, people no longer treats you like a human... And let me tell you... IT REALLY WORKS THAT WAY!! And to make matter worse... I'm working at freaking MALAYSIA! Serving the snobbish SINGAPOREANS who thinks that I'm a bloody Malaysian waitress, if not, then I'll be serving the Malaysians who thinks that I'm some cute little thing which they can step upon on or picked up easily... WHAT EXACTLY IS WRONG WITH MY LIFE?!

And guess what, my mom thinks she got the best deal... ME! Squeeze me dry, make me slog my arse off... She can manipulate me so easily... At one point, she can make my day by telling me that I do not need to work... And next thing I know, she just pull me out of all my plans and make me go do my job... I won't know my schedule till the day before... She will only tell me if she needs me the day before, expecting me to be free just because I'm on holidays... You are a free-loader! So you're expected to be on the call 24/7!!

What is wrong with these people?!

Sigh... And not as if they paid me big bucks or that I desperately needed the money... "Doing it FOR the family"... Family?! By doing waitressing in Johor Bahru?! That really helps the family heh...

What kind of family is that?! Now, THAT is my family! Welcome to the Adam's family...

I'm Pissed by a S-T-R-A-N-G-E-R...

I'm pissed... From a stranger...

I've been getting VERY offensive comments from my posts and EVEN on my NEW tag-board... On MY tag-board which I spent half an hour putting it on!! This A**-H*** actually contaminate my dear tag-board!!

Was it something I've done in my PUBLIC life that I've offended someone or was it something I've posted in my blog that cost me to have such an offensive comment?

NO... Not that I know of... I've never name names on my blog posts! So?? This anonymous person has officially raised my attention and also to my few close friends who knows about my blog... They were all very concern regarding this offensive anonymous S-T-R-A-N-G-E-R... They were all telling me that there're just some boring sick people existing going round leaving stupid comments... And that I agree... And thanks to you, offensive-anonymous-stranger, you've just became a talking topic among my circle of friends... And allow me to actually believe that there is such life-less people around...

And just when I'm bothered about what topics I can blog on... Ha... Ta-dah! One long post... All thanks to an OFFENSIVE-ANONYMOUS-STRANGER...

Slut...

I just received the very first comment for my blog... When I first saw that "1 comment", I was thrilled... Finally, someone commented on my blog... And when I opened it, whao... How great it is... Someone actually termed me as a SLUT...

Slut: an offensive term to be used on a woman (according to encarta dictionary)

Whao! Slut... It really made me wonder... What have I wrote on that post to receive such a comment? Or what had I wrote on previous posts that I might had offended anyone? I really wonder... But... It's all just a comment... Whether I'm slut or not... It's really up to those close to me to comment on... What the rest of the world thinks about me is really up to them...

Of course I'm sad... Slut... From a stranger... But, as I've said... A stranger... Someone who doesn't know me... Unless, this "nice" stranger would like to reveal itself... But till then, who really cares...

Anyway, enough of slutty comments... Ha... Coming back to reality... I'm at a cross-road now... Decision-making time... Many issues are waiting for me to decide... Especially for now, coming from home... There're a few important financial issues which needs my nod to...

Why? Just because I'm 21? Just because I'm the eldest? Or just because I'm soft-hearted? Am I?

I don't know... All I know, I'm sad... Sad from the harsh reality that I live in an environment whereby I've to be on my guard 24/7... Whereby, I can't even trust my close ones... When life becomes like this, it has no meaning to it... I'm lost... Really lost... What I decide tonight is going to determine my future... And for what my future beholds, I've no clue to it...

I've once told a few close friends of mine over lunch... That I really like my boy's family... Ha... Funny isn't it? Liking someone else's family...
Well, that's because it's a normal loving family... Whereby, the whole family sits down for dinner and talk about the day's work... Whereby, everyone cares for everyone from the very bottom of their heart... You don't doubt on the kindness your close ones shown to you... And you don't feel restricted on stuffs you can say to them, worrying that one day, they used it against you... You don't! You don't do such stuffs in a Normal family... But... It's the normality that I miss, that I crave for...

"God is fair"... Many had said... And I agree... For what I have, there stuffs which I don't have... And for now, I'm willing to have a switch... For what I crave for I don't have...